Oh. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. The horse blocks the road. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. They showaristocatic bearing. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Oh, please! The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. Oh, thank goodness. 1 Mar. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. Gee! A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? Roquefort:Don't worry about me! You've got it! First,to make the magic begin,you wiggleyour noseand tickleyour chin. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Now don't panic. I've just gotto find them. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Berlioz: Look, guys! Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Mother's going towork for Mr. O'Malley. We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. Say "cheese. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. - The "Aristocrats." We're on holiday. Away! Thank goodness you're safe! Look at that bridge! I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Hmm? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. That was very nice of you. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, uh-- May Igive you a hand, sir? Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews?
. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. "The Aristocrats Quotes." O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. And that was my vacation. That was something. Here we go. Oh, ooh, ooh! A family walks in to a talent. Oh, I meanyour pad. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. [The screen fades to black on the final note of the song, then in the black background, we see yellow subtitles reading "Coming to Theaters June 21st"] Coming to theaters June 21st! Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. It doesn't matter what it's called! Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Amelia: Oh! The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. This is reallynot lady like. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. Whoa! Live all the adventure of the movie and more. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? We're gonnafly after all! The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Kittens? O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. with the starsas our guide. Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. It was a little oldcricket bug. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. Now don't be frightened. [ Chuckling ]. And, uh, let's see. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 [Smacking Lips]Delicious! Amelia: No! A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. Oh, dear,what a terrible night. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. That's four times twelve. [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. All of them dollars. [Laughing]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! I simply wantto make my will. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. I'll be spitting feathers for a week. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. Kittens! Roquefort: Oh, please! We need a man around the house. The Ow! Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. WebPolice have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. I'm tryin'to get to shore. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. We're on our way to Paris. And that! Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Oops! Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. I can't wait. [gasps] Not me! Let them in! He's got a very huge wiener. But I was so surethat I heard them. Remember when I took you to Sea World? Two-cylinder, chain drive. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. We're almost home. It falls over, shrieking. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Oh, no! "Roquefort". Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Poppycock, man! [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. Fisherman's luck. Only for those aged 17 and older. Roquefort: That's it! "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. Duchess: Yes. They're in the trunk! You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Milkman: Sacrebleu! Coming soon to video! Oh! 17 [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. I havea cracker with me. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! Go! A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! dvdsuper1. July 28, 20058:25 PM. Suchan exciting day. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Quotes.net. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! It probes the darkest, sickest places of the Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. I like Uncle Waldo. Art treasures,jewels and--. Marie: Oh! I almost fell. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Ah, Georges. But we've got to hurry. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. Ooh! Kittens, come along! No. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. We meanfar more to her than that. The Aristocats! You never miss. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! The aristocrats is a terminal movie. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. Right. Kittens? Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! We British liketo keep things proper. Ooh. Come here, my darlings. Toulouse: Good idea, mama. Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Get her! Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. They're back! 2005. No, it's less than that. Now, this isno time for fun and games. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? O'Malley:Yeah. Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. But first, introductions. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. WebThe joke itself is very simple. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. They get the- towait. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? I heard them! 7:01. Mussolini. Edgar opens the door. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Edgar was in it. The 2005 film The Aristocrats documented the history of the joke, which was so filthy that comedians traditionally told it backstage at clubs rather than in the spotlight. Toulouse. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Very good. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" 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Saget: there 's my friend Paul and right now I 'm gonnamiss you, O'Malley...
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