It may take a few tries for that method to work. She is almost 10 months old. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. Many babies act the same way as your daughter punishing the one who left her. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. Please help! Best of luck. During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. I am drained to the point where I So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. Not a good feeling. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. She was with me mornings and nights. Even for biological parents, bonding is something that happens over time. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! She even slapped me in the face. Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. Thanks for taking the time to read, Before Baby Comes. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. My son is 18 mos old. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. She cries for her grand mother. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! nw i think my gal dun wants me . She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. Skin contact is great for bonding. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. I cant seem to find this answer. I felt like a true bond wasnt there. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? I was always there for him. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. I understand so much the pain you are going through. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. Love, Peace and Joy to you all with lots of Blessings!!!! That is not to say that you dont have a real problem. Hi, Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. I am really shattered. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. I used to adore my parents to death. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. Just show you love them and never give up on them. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. I have a 2 year old daughter. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. And I was the one at home. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. But I believe it can be solved. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. thanks for listening to my views. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. Help . Im so depressed over this. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. I feel as though he hates me. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. by | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub Ive been home with her from the beginning. The other important thing is to protect your supply. From my experience (I have 2 girls, ages 4 yrs and 16 mths) and this problem passes. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. Discuss a plan with mom. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. But I think something else is equally important if not more. They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. I have 18mo old twins. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. Im so glad I found this post! At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. I just want to cry and cry. thank you for writing tips on coping. Do it now. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. I am in the same boat. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Thanks. Best of luck. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. What is wrong with me? I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. that Im not the only one whos going through something like this. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. But i continued being there for her. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. I know you'll be great. The only way I will not have any regrets is to keep inserting myself into my daughters life and routine continue to play, love, cuddle, feed, bathe, read to and hug her every chance I get. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. Weekends too. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . I cant stop crying. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. She is in love, so to say, and wants to be with you all the time. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. And I would say it is actually a good sign. what you said makes perfect sense. Unrequited love hey. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. Awaken his interest by laying down on the floor and playing with his toys, start kicking a ball, or whatever will catch his interest. I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. Please advice what should I do. Kiss him and love him non stop. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. our babies love us. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Then I have my daughter four years later, and she is the same way, and she was born vaginally, immediately placed skin to skin, and I never worked or was separated from her. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. so its my mom or her caretaker. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. I hope its just a phase. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. I did everything a mom should do with their child. Am a single mum living with my parents. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. Offensively taken, it means that im not a good mother!? He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. RIght now he is identifying with dad. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. I strongly recommend you to get it! One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. Ever. I am so confused and sad. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. Which just doesnt help at all! We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. My baby boy is 6 moths and I know he prefers dad. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. Understand your employer's leave policy, if you qualify for FMLA, and if any state or local laws impact parental leave. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. 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